after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
