I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
