Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
