I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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