apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize