i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
