and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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