apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
