He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
