please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
come find me please
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs