this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell