Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.