if you like me you must not know who I am
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?