I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it