So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.