shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon