i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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