I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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