Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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