I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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