Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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