4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
