rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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