He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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