Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
