Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
