I'm really into asian looking animals
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
