I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
