accomplished twins. life is a go
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
