I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
