She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
