his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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