I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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