is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Don't tell me you're on acid again
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
