Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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