Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
