I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
