At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
