It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
