you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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