Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
