you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
