god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just want nice things and good sex
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
