thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
