Where did you get a picture of my penis
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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