and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
