using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
