I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
