it wasn't lemon gatorade
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
