I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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