office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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