I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
