I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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