Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
