whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
