Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
