i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
