i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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