Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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