I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize