she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
