my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
