I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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