she kept yelling 'call me bella'
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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