All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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