guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
