i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
