Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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