I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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