Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
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Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
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So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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