I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
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She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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